You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
