I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
