between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
