im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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