I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
