I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
