3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
