dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
