Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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