You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
