So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
