How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
