i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
