I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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