She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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