My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
