rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
