shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
