Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
