I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
