Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
