I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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