Your tits are I can't wait for
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
