He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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