wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
