This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
