Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
