I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
