I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
