i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
