also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
