I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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