So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
