Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
