I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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