I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Farmville is her only friend.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
