Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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