What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
