Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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