you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
