at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am available for nakedness
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
