It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
