youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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