somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
pop tarts are not kleenex
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My vagina is very pro this idea
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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