Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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