Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize