I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
