it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
