My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
