Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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