Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
