There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
