How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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