i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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