I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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