I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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