i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
