Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
