I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize