I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.