Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1