Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are two peas in an std pod
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.