K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this