I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
