I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
